Mentoring

I find that most of my mentoring is with people already at a senior level, be it at C-suite or approaching it. For them, it  helps to talk to someone who has been it seen it and done it and who can understand the challenges - and the loneliness - that can go with a senior position.

Not being in one myself anymore means that I have more time to devote to what can sometimes become a fairly intensive mentoring experience, especially where someone is going through a period of change, or adjustment.

Some of the areas we address in mentoring (and this list is by no means exhaustive) include:

Knowledge Sharing:

"So how did you do it?" is the question I most often get asked. Sometimes it helps to hear someone else's story, even if it's just to know that everyone finds things difficult at some point. I can tell you how I did it and how I would do it differently now, with the benefit of hindsight and reflection. I do so love my hindsight glasses. 20:20 vision.

Career Development:

"I'm stuck"  That might be because you have already got to the top or because there is a barrier to it. Sometimes the barrier is obvious. often it isn't the thing you might think it is. I can help you look at how you can advance within your firm or organisation, transition to a different practice area, take on a new role or explore other opportunities.  There are always choices. Sometimes we can't see them ourselves.

Ethical Guidance:

"But should I"?  I  can work through ethical dilemmas with you; I had enough to deal with over the 36 years. Some of them are obvious, most are not,  hence the conflict. And that means both internal and external dilemmas. Bad behaviour. Clashing value systems. Taking a view where no view ought to be taken. Not disclosing. Grey areas. Bullying. Aggression.

Ethical considerations become more complex as people progress through their careers and sometimes you need someone to help you navigate these challenges. That will be me. The above? I've dealt with all of them.

Client Relations:

"I think they're happy, they keep instructing us don't they?" Oh dear. So many of us are just too scared to actually find out if the client is really happy. They won't ask in a sort of don't ask don't tell sort of dance. They might find out that they aren't. Or not as happy as they could be. And sometimes the client just walks, when it wouldn't have taken much to sort it out.

I get it, I really do.  No-one wants to hear the negative. But what would you rather do? Have the opportunity to remedy something or carry on doing the ostrich impersonation?

Let's talk about how we make sure the clients are happy. Without judgment and with curiosity. No-one will get hurt in this demonstration.

Work-Life Balance:

"I don't think it exists." Let's find out whether it's possible. Let's first work out what it means. I have my own views about that and they aren't the ones you usually hear or might expect. I do think it's essential to recognise what it means for you, how much time you are prepared to give to each and look at the costs involved in each of those choices, financial and personal. Because if keep saying yes to one, you are saying no to another.

Mentoring in Leadership:

"Bloody hell no-one prepared me for this." If you're lucky, your firm will have sent you on some sort of leadership development course. I did one when I was at a City firm many moons ago. They sent the "difficult" partners first. I think it was meant to make me more malleable. It certainly made me better at holding my breath underwater. And it was a valuable experience even if the biggest outcome was that I came home and  made a massive life change a fortnight later.

There are less dramatic approaches. Let me work with you on some of those. 

I know how to help you manage yourself, which is essential if you want to manage teams,  handle administrative responsibilities and most importantly identify where your job ends and that of others begins. Delegation. It's an art.

Continuing Education:

"Not another bloody zoom conference" I mean, we've all had enough of them haven't we and if you're anything like me, your mind is going through your "to do" list whilst the annoying person who refuses to turn off their camera keeps putting their virtual hand up to ask yet another inane question.

But you do need to keep on learning. We all do. And in some cases that learning will be linked to the nitty gritty of your job but it might also be something that links to your personal development. Which is the same in the end. I can help you think a little more broadly about where you might want to look for your next learning fix. I'm a lifelong learner. You can be one too.

Networking:

"Do I have to go?" Words which crossed my lips a thousand times when I was a lawyer. Sadly, the answer is generally yes. But you don't always need to stay. And there are lots of ways of networking  which don't involve standing in the doorway of a room full of strangers and wishing you were at home with Netflix and the dog.  There are lots of ways of networking and particularly for the more introverted amongst us, including myself. I've written about them and even done a podcast for Estates Gazette -see here.

Offering Constructive and Sensitive Feedback:

Up there with "let's go round the table and introduce ourselves" as things we would like to get through life without. But feedback is necessary, even if you have RSD like me. Here is something about it in case you're interested in whether you have it too.  So I know what it's like to want to run away from scrutiny. To hate the 360. To dread the discussion.  And not everyone will be that sensitive, and for you my friends, sometimes we just have to say it like it is. But know that is always from a place of caring and support. I have no interest in making you fail, or run away. My feedback is designed to help you move forward and to tackle those things you thought you never would. Or could.

Support and Encouragement:

"No-one understands what it's like, I do everything for everyone"  The child of an emotional father who ran his own business, I heard those words more times than I care to remember.  I even said them myself before I gave myself a talking-to.  And if you're at the top of your profession, or even if you aren't, it can feel like there really is no-one that understands. And maybe they don't.  Sometimes your colleagues can be your friends but it's rare that you can tell them everything. Or get to hear their real opinions. And you don't want to be bringing all that stuff home, or to your friends. They all have their own agendas and  there's often only so much you can or want to tell them. 

I won't get bored. I won't lose patience. I won't judge. Well I might, but in a constructive way. Sometimes you just need a professional friend. I am that person.

So what are we talking about?

My mentoring. It's mentoring in the conventional sense but it's also so much more.  We will sometimes do an intensive deep dive and sometimes we just touch base. Sometimes there is intensive WhatsApp and sometime there will be days, weeks even where I don't need to be in your life. It's up to you. It  can take the form of regular  structured meetings, occasional consultations, or simply being available for guidance when needed. The key is to create a supportive environment where I can help you deal whatever is thrown at you. You aren't alone.